Dating A Liar

I never really figured out how much of a compulsive liar he is till it's all over. And it's not fun. You can read more about what happened here but right now, these are the top 3 red flags to know if you're dating one (ps: you probably won't be able to identify since you're most likely trapped in his/her beautiful lies):

1. Too good to be true

They will always make themselves sound so damn good. Extremely sweet, loyal and loving. They know the right words and moves to make you fall head over heels for them. From the way they hold you gently in their arms, to the way they kiss you when you least expect it, they really know what to do to make you smitten. My ex-boyfriend used to tell me he doesn't date around, that if he choose to date, it means that he's serious about making the relationship work. We even talked about marriage. He'd tell me his wonderful goals for us, how he foresee a future with me in it, and it all sounds like a dream. And of course, it's just a dream because in reality, he did nothing to work towards those goals (i.e. no solid planning).

2. He's the victim

They will admit their 'flaws' and tell you their sob stories about how they became the way they are. Then they'll promise you they'll change because you are different. It's all about their past, how they've been mistreated by their exes and how you will make everything better. When I first dated my ex, he admitted that he's possessive and that it was because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him. He'd then talk about her like she's his worst enemy and how I'm so different from her. Turns out, he was the one who cheated. When I found out, he told me that he's ashamed of his past and wouldn't want me to think any lesser of him. What a convenient excuse, isn't it? When our entire relationship was based on rules he set due to his tragic past, it's hard to believe that the past he has been ranting about isn't even true at all.

3. Unbelievable life stories

Honestly, they should be writers or actors because of how easy it is for them to tell their ridiculous 'real-life' stories. They can lie so well that sometimes, they start to believe in their own lies. My ex lied about almost anything and everything to the point it all sounded real - even I can't pick out what's real and what's fake till now. He used to tell me how he had to walk home after sending his ex-girlfriend home, from Marine Parade to Pioneer, because it was late and he didn't have the money to take a cab home but he really wanted to spend time with her. Or how he spent a lot on her, like surprising her with gifts but she didn't appreciate them. All the stories to make himself sound so damn perfect and unappreciated. But there were stories that didn't make sense as well. He'd lie about how his necklace was a charm against evil spirits since he has the eye to see them... but took it off without hesitation when we were getting it down. He even misplaced it for a few months and never once did I hear him mention about the evil spirits that he can apparently see. Or telling someone that I wouldn't let him go to his dead ex-girlfriend's funeral in Australia... when I didn't even know she existed/died/you-have-an-ex-girlfriend-in-Australia??? Was it even essential to lie about something like that? I'd never know.

After riding on such an insane rollercoaster, I'm glad to get out of it. I still wonder if the person I fell in love with actually existed or not but it doesn't really matter anymore. Once you uncover the truth of your perfect lying partner, you'd realize how unhealthy it has been. You will be manipulated into thinking that you're the bad person for leaving. You will feel guilty. You will feel responsible. But please, don't be afraid to call it quits. Run when the red flags wave vigorously in front of you, even if you've fallen too deep. Although I know that most likely, you will stick through it and be left shattered into pieces. Just know that you're not alone and you will recover from it. Learn and grow. After all, they do teach us how to deal with bullshit better in the future.

#dating #relationships #love