The Breakup Post (so 2016 though)

It has been months since our breakup in November 2016 and yet I still remember every detail of how you broke my heart so carelessly. It's not like I want to air my dirty laundry but you know, people ought to know what you did. Especially girls. So that they may be wary. But then again, there will always be girls like me who fall for guys like you so... *shrugs*

Anyway, here's the looooong and turbulent journey summarized:

He was 20 and I was 24. We had a 4 year gap but it didn't matter to me because I just felt so connected with him when we first went out back in 2015. Things were great. We shared common interests and enjoyed the same activities. Even though he's in the army, it didn't feel like anything will go wrong. We were really very happy until May 2016... when we broke up for the first time.

One day in May 2016, I was working at my previous job and decided to have lunch with a close male friend of mine. Normally, I'd drop him a text to inform him - by explaining who I'm going out with and alllll the deets because, well, he's a possessive boyfriend (red flag here) - but just on this very day, I decided to skip the trouble and told him that I'll be having a quick lunch alone.

Boy, was I wrong to have made that move.

Turns out, he was around the area waiting to surprise me and got a rude shock instead. He got really upset and started cursing too much so I told him a white lie that I met my friend out of coincidence (another wrong move, duh). He got calmer and forgave me when I decided to cut ties with my friend (not a great move here either). But secretly, he was still mad cause he was on my messenger and saw my texts with my friend and knew that I lied. Long story short, he was mad at me for weeks (including a short trip to Bangkok in which he appeared to be totally fine) and decided to break up with me by saying we can't be fixed.

WELL, I admit, that for this part, I'm wrong in not telling him the truth about my whereabouts and I shouldn't have lied to cover up afterwards. However, what happens after this incident is totally uncalled for and it should've just ended here.

I got pregnant.

A day after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. (WTF, I know right? Dramatic much?)

It was one of the scariest feelings ever and honestly, I was at a loss in the beginning. "Are you kidding me?!" was my first reaction when the nurse told me blatantly that, "Eh Miss, you can't do x-ray cause you're pregnant ah." Yea, I didn't even intend to know whether I was pregnant or not, I just got to know cause I was at a full body checkup (-_-) so imagine my reaction when they randomly told me that.

Should I tell him? How should I tell my parents? Am I gonna keep the baby? A million of questions ran through my head and then I decided, yes, I'm keeping it. So I called him at night when he's finally free and asked him two important questions before breaking the news.

Do you think we can fix us? Do you still love me?

His answers made me certain that there's no going back to how things were but it didn't affect my choice in keeping the baby. So I told him. And guess what, just as expected, he won't get back together and even briefly mentioned how we talked about abortion before. It broke my heart but silly me still wanted to try and make things right.

Weeks went by as I tried to reach out to him and get him to meet my parents with me. His usual excuse will be that he's stuck in camp but come on, 3 consecutive weeks? To (not much of) my surprise, he was out partying in clubs. And guess what, he made sure I found out he was lying by posting on his Instagram of him outside a club! When confronted, he told me "this is how it feels like to be lied to, now you know." Whoaaaaa, now that's another level of insanity man.

For the next few weeks, he made me feel like shit with his hot and cold responses. He'd be really nice and sweet and then suddenly, ignore me for a long while. We fought a lot as well, about his role as a father. All I wanted was for him to take responsibility and even though he didn't deny he's the dad, he didn't admit to anything as well. He didn't go for my first appointment at KK hospital. He didn't bother asking questions about the baby. He didn't even come and meet me at all. Basically, he wasn't there for the child or for me. It didn't help that he was constantly lying in order to avoid me and that really broke my heart.

In July 2016, I miscarried at week 8.

Doctors told me it’s common. But it was painful. Very heart-wrenchingly painful. I was really guilty for a while since I felt like I didn’t take care of myself well enough. It must have been the stress... the crying... and all that pent up emotions.

But I didn’t blame him.

Instead, I forgave him for everything and asked if he wants to restart. Since the baby is gone, perhaps it's another chance for us to fix things and get back together? Well you see... silly me loved him very much and just wanted to be with him even though he hasn't been great.

It was then he told me that yes, he still has feelings for me and wouldn't mind getting back together buttttttt he needed time.

So YES, I waited for him during this whole ‘I need time’ phase as it lasted a few months. While I was waiting for his answer, he flirted around, partied and had his fun, all behind my back. I only found out by chance and got really paranoid and angry. All the lies. I'm too lazy to elaborate on every lie he told me cause it's really overwhelming. Yet I forgave him again and again.

We did get back together but on that very day, he went out with a female 'friend' when he claims to be out with a group of his friends. And oh, ended up at a hotel as well. (His story is that he's there alone but yea, who stays in a hotel alone, right?)

In September 2016, I left him. I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and since he can’t appreciate my love, he can find it elsewhere with other girls. That’s when he begged. He begged for me to stay and that he’ll change. At that time, we were both on our way for our trips. He was going to Brunei for a month of army camp and I was off to Japan for 2 weeks of leisure. So I said I’ll see when I come back.

When I came back in October, we did get back together. I gave him a second chance. Told him he has to be good this time. He tried. We were happy, just like old times. But we’re different. Cause I’m more paranoid than ever and he’s not giving enough. I mean, after everything we've been through... definitely loads of trust issues. And he wouldn't make us go public so that didn't make me feel great either.

Then one fine day, I found out something absolutely disgusting.

He has hickies. NOT from me.

He took a selfie on a bus saying he's on the way home and that's when I saw those marks. I zoomed in, screenshot, sent it to him and confronted him about it. He brushed it off saying it's just rashes and took a blurry Snapchat over to prove his innocence. Well, silly me didn't want to kick up a big fuss and since we were trying to patch things back together... I didn't question. It was only when he posted that very selfie on his Instagram and had many of his friends comment "eh bro, last night happening ah" that I realized I wasn't accusing him wrongly.

So, I asked him for a video (since he didn't want to meet me). That's when hell broke loose. He scolded me for wanting too much from him, saying that he has already proved himself clean again and again. He brought up old matters like the first incident and how he can't trust me as much as well. He then proceeded to blame me for everything wrong in the relationship. Despite all that, things didn't feel right. Those hickies were too obvious and I can't be seeing things, right?

I did what every devastated girl will do. I stalked. I had access to his Gmail account from my computer and so I logged in. Looked through his search history and tadaa, evidence. "How to remove hickies" was searched multiple times. So... yea, another huge lie. Again.

I broke up with him. Finally. Even though he tried to explain it... saying, "My friend was getting beaten up by her ex-bf and I went to help. Send her home afterwards and she thanked me by hugging me. Then, she suddenly gave me hickies and I didn’t respond in time. I pushed her away and went home afterwards. Nothing happened."

Well, who would believe that? I mean, even if that story really is true, why didn't he tell me about it when it first happened? Or the fact that he has to go over to a girl's house in the middle of the night? Oh and who tf is that female friend whom you can't tell me about? Pfft. Lies.

The next few days were torturous though. Fresh breakup with so much history... yea, it really sucked. I felt so compelled to go back to him. Yes, even after all the shit he has done to me. So we started chatting again. Decided that maybe we can patch back after he's done with army, in about a year's time. (HOW STUPID CAN I GET RIGHT?) But you see... it failed again. And he got a new girl shortly after the breakup.

That's another interesting story but I shan't say too much cause it's not my relationship anyway. Let's just say that he's an A-class compulsive liar who deserves an award for maintaining a straight face while speaking nothing but lies. *claps*

Regardless of how much pain you've caused, I'm glad we happened as it has taught me many valuable lessons. Wishing you all the best with your new girl and hope you don't repeat the same mistakes.

As for me... I'm really happy to be where I am right now as I've found the right one who made me see how everyone else was the wrong one ♥ Onto new beginnings!

#breakups #relationships #love #dating